Gimme a (tax) break

Continuing in the tax vein, there are specific steps that 20-somethings (especially recent college grads) can take to shelter portions of their income from being taxed, and inevitably save more money! In order to start saving anything, though, you'll need to remember to file your taxes! I honestly can't believe how many 20-somethings I know who feel they can't be bothered to file because they'll only get back a small amount (say $100 or $200). Either that, or they rely on their parents to do their taxes for them -- no joke!

To all the guys out there, if there's one way you can turn a girl off (aside from being unemployed or lacking personal hygiene), it's telling her that your parents do your taxes for you. If you're even reading this blog -- guys or girls -- I assume that you've decided to take some stock in your financial life, which means doing things, such as taxes and the like, yourself and not relying on Mommy and Daddy. (Contrary to popular belief, 21+ should never be the new 16.)

With that out of the way (phew!), do not, I repeat, do NOT use a Form 1040EZ when filing your taxes because doing so prohibits you from taking advantage of the super-tax-payer-saving ways I'll mention in a second. Instead, use the standard 1040 form. I assume that it's a trade-off as to whether you want to fill out a no-muss-no-fuss form (the 1040EZ), or whether you want to get into the more nitty-gritty and wring some cash from your filing form (the standard 1040). Since the EZ is just so......easy.....most tend to file using the former, which is fine if you know you don't qualify for deductions.

Here are some clutch ways to save yourself some greenbacks when filling out your 1040:

• If you're making less than you thought you would after graduation, don't fret! You're automatically eligible for a saver's credit, as long as you're lining any retirement plan you've chosen (401(k), IRA, etc.) with monthly contributions. The catch is you have to make less than $26,000 per year (not horrible, considering the cost of living differs from region to region), but you can save an upward of $1,000 in money that might have otherwise gone to paying taxes. Consider it the government's reward for savers who are thinking ahead.
• Did you know that your moving expenses (renting a U-Haul, gas for the trip, buying packing boxes, etc.) can be tax-deductible if your job out of college is 50+ miles away from your old address?
• The idea of paying off those student loans could give anyone an ulcer, but remember this: you can now claim up to $2,500 of interest on student loans in the form of tax deductions, even if you're parents are paying off your loan interest. Apparently, the government deems any payments from a parent toward their kids' student loan a "gift," which is great news for both parties!

Just remember, you can't garner these savings unless you 1.) file your taxes , and 2.) use the standard form 1040.

A "kinder, gentler" IRS?

Call it a reflection of the times, but the New York Daily News is reporting that the IRS has promised to go easy on the nation this year in relation to filing taxes. Seems like a first, but we like firsts -- especially during the recession. The words "IRS" and "kind" have never been synonymous. The stereotype of the hard-as-nails, unmerciful IRS agent exists for a reason, after all.

It turns out the IRS actually does have a heart, and understands what the majority of U.S. citizens are going through, what with so many layoffs and foreclosures budding on a daily basis. No they aren't forgoing collection of taxes this year (wouldn't that be grand?); instead, they'll be more flexible with tax collection to help easy the fiscal burden that's cloaked the shoulders of so many of us.

The only catch is that you have to ask for help if you need it. Though the IRS may have gone the way of the Tin Man, it doesn't mean it's also gone the way of the all-knowing Oz. Struggling to pay your monthly bills and need a filing extension? Just lost your job and have no savings to pay taxes? Ask and you (probably) shall receive help.

The Mail reports that among the changes this year:

• IRS employees will have greater authority to suspend collection actions — such as tapping your bank account — in certain hardship cases.

• If you already agreed to an installment plan with agency and have been paying on time but now face trouble, the IRS might allow you to skip a payment or pay a reduced monthly amount without voiding the agreement.

• If you thought you weren’t eligible for a so-called offer in compromise — in which a taxpayer and the IRS agree to settle a tax debt for less than the full amount — you may be now. In the past, if you had enough equity in your home to cover your tax debts, you may have been turned down. But given the downdraft in real estate, the IRS is willing to take a second look.

The IRS' website (www.irs.gov) has an excellent list they call the "What Ifs of an Economic Downturn." On the list are many common hypothetical questions posted to the bureau, and their answers to each. Questions include: What if I lost my job? What if my income declined? What if I sell my home for a loss? What if I can't pay my taxes? Scary questions, but the IRS is anticipating them being asked and have answers for all of them. It's an excellent resource to tap in to if you're freaking out about tax season and feel fiscally pinned against a wall.

If these "What Ifs" don't answer your questions though, IRS.gov also has a phone number you can call for help (1-800-829-1040) and a list of tax assistance offices that you can visit in person.

Learn the lingo: Tax-deductible

This next ditty goes out to my sister, Sophia, who's been reminding me that she'd like if I wrote on anything tax-related, since she's in the dark about much of it. Without further ado ...

Tax-deductible:

A tax-deductible item, or tax deduction, off your income is when an expense is lopped off your adjusted gross income (also known as your total income) to reduce the amount of your income that is subject to tax. Huh? Basically, having a tax-deduction on your overall income basically allows you to shelter a part or parts of your salary from being taxed in total by the government. Sadly, it's not as easy as simply setting some unreported money aside, with the vague hope that the government won't notice (there's a term for that -- it's called tax evasion!). The IRS has a list of expenses, along with specific rules surrounding each one, that are legally considered tax-free. These expenses include (among others):

• A home mortgage.
• Apartment rent, if you make under a certain amount.
• Business expenses, including all expenses it might take to start your own business, travel and meals. Technically, these expenses can't exceed your total business income.
• Charitable contributions. If you save the receipts, this can even include all your old junk you donate to Goodwill!
• Any expenses paid in the removal of building barriers to the elderly and disabled.
• Union dues.
• Medical expenses that exceed a certain percent of your total income.
• Any work-related apparel. This can include uniforms, or necessary items such as safety goggles, safety helmets or heavy-duty gloves or shoes.
• In some situations, moving expenses can be tax-deductible.

Finding ways to ensure that portions of your income are tax-deductible is a fabulous way to save more money that would have otherwise gone to Uncle Sam, because it lowers your total taxable income. Say you make $28,000 per year, and you pay $1,000 in rent every month. Last I checked, the cutoff point for rent being tax-deductible was if you made $30,000 or less, so you would essentially shelter $12,000 worth of rent per year from being taxed, which means more money for you in the long run!

How to open an IRA account (and other goodies)

Now that you know almost everything there is to know about IRAs (well, almost), there's one little problem standing in the way of your post-retirement dreams of lounging in a Parisian cafe, partaking in brie, baguettes and Bordeaux: How do you sign up for an IRA?

Simple! If you thought IRAs were a piece of cake to understand in my last post, the process of signing up for one is even more straightforward -- think cake with all the calories taken out of it. All it takes to sign up is a little time, your social security number, employment information (again, you can only contribute earned income to an IRA), bank account info and money to deposit (obvi).

Unlike 401(k) accounts that employers generally set up for their employees, an IRA is usually something you need to do on your own. I can already hear you panicking, eyes glossing over at the thought of tables and tables of complicated numbers you couldn't possible begin to understand. Scratch that visual right now. I take it most of you have filled out student loan forms? Well, filling out an IRA form is even easier -- much like filling out a credit card or job application. No hand-holding needed!

The hardest part of opening an IRA account is choosing which brokerage firm you'll want to sign up with. These include many big names that I know you've heard of: TD Ameritrade, Sharebuilder, Vanguard, Fidelity Investments, E*Trade Financial and T. Rowe Price are all prominent in the IRA world. I can't advise which place is the best to go with (as I'm not a financial adviser), but when researching each firm, make you sure you watch out for how much trading commissions are and if there are any annual fees. Many places have no fees (rock on!), but may have higher trading commission costs (i.e., fees charged for every trade made with your money). Also, be cognizant of what the minimum IRA contributions are for each, as you'll want to be able to make them on a monthly basis. Do your homework when choosing who will be the lucky firm to house your money.

Once you've found who you want to sign up with, you can download forms off their website, fill out the info (very straightfoward questions are asked, trust me), either include a check or direct deposit from your bank account, and plop in the mail. Or, if you prefer doing it digital, many places allow you fill out all forms online. And that, chickadees, is how you sign up for an IRA.

Again, just putting your money into an IRA doesn't mean it's accumulating much of anything. Think of it as a glorified savings account. Yes, you've taken the necessary steps to put money aside every month for the good of your golden years, and yes, the tax benefits are nice, but you have to invest the money once it's in the account. Use it as a vehicle to reap big rewards for your future. You have the ability to tell your brokerage firm how you want them to invest your monthly cash. Are you more of a mutual fund maven? Stock sistah? Or an index .... well, you get the idea. Generally, if you don't know much about the stock market or don't have the time to learn and do research, mutual funds and index funds are a fabulous option as they pad your portfolio with diversification.

Don't worry if you decide you want to change the kind of IRA you are enrolled in. Once you sign your name on the line, it's not written in blood. If you sign up for a traditional IRA, for example, and realize you'd rather be in a Roth (or vice versa), it is possible to make the switch, just be aware that it may have a large impact on your taxes when it's time to withdraw the money from your account. (Because, as I've mentioned before, one of the main differences between the two IRA accounts comes down to when and how you are taxed on your contributions.)

And, if you've found a dazzling new job opportunity and the only thing standing between your current job in hell and climbing the corporate ladder to paradise is confusion over what to do with your IRA account, don't fret. You can transfer your IRA funds to different IRA accounts (such as from Roth to Roth), but the transfer has to happen between plans, meaning you (as the retirement account holder) don't get to touch any of the money ... yet. Think of it as something to look forward to when your hair begins to gray!

Hype over the hybrid

Let's get one thing straight: I love our planet. I like clean air and I don't want to die some slow, painful death, choking on thick carbon fumes that lay blanketed within our atmosphere.

And so it's in this way that I have no problem with hybrid cars. Okay, I may have a couple problems with the whole affair -- such as the body design of the Prius (ick), and the fact that the production and recycling of hybrid batteries is rumored to be wretched for the environment. Yet, all in all, I think the idea of hybrid cars is great.

But I've recently heard many people proudly brag about how much money they're saving by driving a hybrid vehicle. These staunch purveyors of a greener tomorrow may feel like they're saving behind the wheel of one of these bad boys, but are they really? What is the total cost of ownership of said hybrid versus an older, used car? I read somewhere the other day that the price of gas has risen 250% in the last 10 years! Obviously any savvy saver would want to lessen gas' rising blow to the wallet, but environmental impact aside (this is a personal finance blog, after all, and not a green one!), how much do you truly save by shunning the automobiles of yesterday in favor of sleek new hybrids that purr down the freeway at 45 mpg?

Well first you have to look at the actual costs of the vehicles themselves. While hybrids tend to hold their value better than their gas-guzzling brethren, the initial cost of the hybrid is pretty high (think in the upper $20,000s). And that doesn't include all the interest that you'll have to pay back on the large car loan you'd have to take out. For comparison's sake, Love and I spent about $4,000 cash (including taxes) on our 2000 Hyundai Accent that gets about 30 mpg. In a nutshell, the longer you hold on to your hybrid, the more money you recoup on the overall cost of the car in the first place.

And so, chickadees, if you're in the mood to hop on the hybrid boat, consider how long you plan to hold on to your eco vessel. Many people I know tend to hold on to their cars for about 5 to 6 years, which doesn't necessarily recoup all the money you plopped down for the price of the auto in the first place. This problem is magnified by reports that the gas mileage posted by the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) on many hybrids is more inflated than what it truly is. The New York Times, Wired Magazine, and Consumer Reports, among others, have said that hybrid mileage is actually 30% to 50% lower than what's generally promised, and to add metaphorical fuel to the fire, it's been reported by these same outlets that many hybrid versions of cars get almost the same mileage as their purely gasoline-sipping counterparts.

So a bit of false advertising may be the culprit, but as I said earlier, hybrids do tend to hold their value well, so even if you don't recoup the overall cost in the form of gas, at least you can take a smaller loss on the vehicle once you're ready to bid adieu.

But what is the real cost versus benefit? Let's say you're trying to decide whether to buy a new Honda Civic hybrid (sticker price: $26,000), or a used 2001 Honda Civic (about $7,000). You're okay with the high cost of the hybrid because you're sure you'll be able to justify it with all that gas money you'll be saving, right? Well if you drove 12,000 miles per year on $4 per gallon gas (the current national average), you'd pay about $88 per month in gas driving the 45-mpg hybrid. With the standard Civic you'd pay about $114 per month in gas. This all sounds fabulous until you realize that you just spent an extra $18,600 on the hybrid model to save you $312 per year on gas. In order to recoup the total cost of the hybrid in gas savings would take you about 59 years to justify the purchase. I don't know about you, but I like my cars like I like my heels -- meaning I get my use out of them and move on after a few years. (With the exception of this marvelous pair of Coach heels I own. I'd keep those for 59 years, but that's a different matter). Don't forget if you do decide to keep your hybrid that long, about every 10 years you'd also need to replace the battery, which I imagine would get pretty costly.

Air conditioning can also take its toll on the fuel economy of a hybrid vehicle, decreasing miles per gallon by 15% to 27%, according to the Idaho National Labroatory, operated under the Department of Energy.

Aside from the intrinsic resale value of hybrids (that is, until fully electric cars make their debut, which shouldn't be too far off on the horizon), there are also other perks that can save you money by investing in a green goliath. Some credit lenders offer special car loan rates for hybrid purchasers, and insurance companies such as Geico say they offer discounted car insurance. There was a time when the federal government was also offering savvy tax credits of up to $3,400 for hybrids, but unfortunately that only pertained to the first 60,000 of them made (i.e., Toyota and Honda buyers don't get the credit).

In the grand scheme of budgeters, though, recycling is always a good idea ... in many cases it can save you loads of money. Say one of your friends subscribes to Vogue and passes each issue on to you when she's finished. That saves you about $5 in newsstand charges to get your read recycled, right? Well the same logic applies to cars. Instead of buying a brand new car (hybrid or not) fresh off a factory line in a polluted area like Guangdong, buying a small used vehicle will not only ensure that its overall environmental footprint is lessened, it will also ensure that you'll be saving more money in the long run by buying a car with a cheaper upfront cost and comparable mpg.

I know many don't solely analyze the issue on a cost versus benefit basis alone. In fact many buy hybrids purely for the environmental benefits, which is great. But remember that just because you may feel like you are saving money, says Mark Shead at Productivity501.com, it may not always mean you are saving money. "Feelings are what marketing is about. What really matters is if you are saving money. Recognize that how you feel about something is probably a poor indication of its actual benefit."

Learn the lingo: IRA

Ah yes, the IRA, or individual retirement account, another way to reap the benefits of saving early for a lavish retirement!

But wait -- before we go any further -- I know I've probably already lost you. If you're anything like I was not too long ago, your eyes have already glazed over with boredom at the mere sight of the word "IRA," and I don't blame you. Unless you were a finance or business major in college, terms such as IRA were relegated to people like our parents, who are at an age to be concerned with all that stuffy money talk. Right? To put it bluntly, it's very, very relevant to people our age. Sorry to pop your head-in-the-clouds fantasy, but if you're thinking: "I'm only ___(insert whichever age you are), so I don't have to worry about that stuff yet," then you're dismissing ways to plan for your life that can make you very comfortable (and dare I say rich) in the future.

Guess what? Unless you end up relying on someone else to learn about these things for you and rely on them to carry your deadweight in the future (which I've written about here), it's time to start teaching yourself! What's more attractive than a very stylish girl who's also financially saavy? Don't worry, IRAs are not, I repeat not, complicated to understand. Cross my heart and kiss my elbow! In fact, they're actually quite simple, like most things in personal finance when you strip away all the technical mumbo-jumbo. Just remember not to feel intimidated by the lingo and the numbers, because if I can understand it (with an English/Journalism background), then you definitely can too!

To strip it down simply, there are many types of IRAs, but people generally choose either the traditional IRA, for any level of income, or the Roth IRA, mainly for people making under $95,000. Both serve the purpose of an "invidual retirement account," thus the name "IRA." You can only contribute to an IRA with earned income, so birthday money or Christmas checks don't count, unfortunately.

In a traditional IRA, you can contribute up to $4,000 of your annual income to the account. All money you put into your IRA is sheltered from taxes so, for example, if you put $4,000 into your IRA in one year. That would be $4,000 off your overall income that will not be taxed by the government. When you do decide to pull the money out, though, it will be taxed. And, if you withdraw the money before you're 59 1/2, you'll get charged a 10% fee! The fee acts as a way to curb your temptation of dipping into your budding nest egg; it comes as no surprise that it's highly advised against to pull your money out prematurely.

But what if you want to buy a house -- and the money you've been saving in your IRA would make a nice down payment on a mortgage? Good news! The exception to this 10%-fee rule is if you're using the money to buy a house or pay for higher-ed costs. If you're new to the world of saving and have a rough time saving in general, than having an account that rewards you for saving for the big purchases in your life, like a home, would be perfect for you!

The Roth IRA, though, is an even better match for the fiscally responsible ladies (or gents) out there. Why? Well, unless you're a high-power, corporate executive -- you know the kind driven around in their Lincoln towncars, sipping scotch and balancing million-dollar checkbooks -- you're probably making under $95,000 per year, which is perfect because it's the cutoff point to qualify for a Roth. (You can also make under $110,000 and still qualify, but you'll only be allowed to make "partial" contributions.)

Unlike the traditional IRA, the Roth IRA is not tax-deductible, but you have greater flexibility over your money. In a Roth can withdraw your savings after five years (regardless of how old you are), without being charged a fee. Any interest you accumulate in the account, though, can be taxed. Not making sense? Say after 10 years you have $20,000 saved up of your own money, with $5,000 earned in interest on the money. You can withdraw your $20,000 tax-free, but only have to pay taxes on the $5,000. Not too shabby.

If you're still at a crossroads as to which IRA (traditional or Roth) would be the best for you, a rule of thumb is that the Roth IRA is generally a better bet if you're younger.

Simply put, by saving your money earlier, the younger you start saving, the more you end up with in the long run (with the interest accrued).

It's important to note that an IRA, Roth or otherwise, isn't an investment, per se -- it's just a place to keep a chunk of your savings to use as investing in whatever you choose. That could include bonds, mutual funds, real estate, or even just one stock. Again, an IRA is another way, like the 401(k), that the government is rewarding you for saving for your retirement.

At this point, you're probably asking, "What's the difference between an IRA and a 401(k), then?" I admit, they do sound strikingly similar, but the fundamental difference is that one is employee-sponsored (the 401k, where your contributions are usually matched annually by your employer), while the other (IRA) is completely up to you to create and manage.

Both are fabulous ways to shelter income from taxes, though, so contributing to at least one is in the best interest of every saavy financier!

Gimme a (tax) break

Continuing in the tax vein, there are specific steps that 20-somethings (especially recent college grads) can take to shelter portions of their income from being taxed, and inevitably save more money! In order to start saving anything, though, you'll need to remember to file your taxes! I honestly can't believe how many 20-somethings I know who feel they can't be bothered to file because they'll only get back a small amount (say $100 or $200). Either that, or they rely on their parents to do their taxes for them -- no joke! 

To all the guys out there, if there's one way you can turn a girl off (aside from being unemployed or lacking personal hygiene), it's telling her that your parents do your taxes for you. If you're even reading this blog -- guys or girls -- I assume that you've decided to take some stock in your financial life, which means doing things, such as taxes and the like, yourself and not relying on Mommy and Daddy. (Contrary to popular belief, 21+ should never be the new 16.) 

With that out of the way (phew!), do not, I repeat, do NOT use a Form 1040EZ when filing your taxes because doing so prohibits you from taking advantage of the super-tax-payer-saving ways I'll mention in a second. Instead, use the standard 1040 form. I assume that it's a trade-off as to whether you want to fill out a no-muss-no-fuss form (the 1040EZ), or whether you want to get into the more nitty-gritty and wring some cash from your filing form (the standard 1040). Since the EZ is just so......easy.....most tend to file using the former, which is fine if you know you don't qualify for deductions. 

Here are some clutch ways to save yourself some greenbacks when filling out your 1040:

• If you're making less than you thought you would after graduation, don't fret! You're automatically eligible for a saver's credit, as long as you're lining any retirement plan you've chosen (401(k), IRA, etc.) with monthly contributions. The catch is you have to make less than $26,000 per year (not horrible, considering the cost of living differs from region to region), but you can save an upward of $1,000 in money that might have otherwise gone to paying taxes. Consider it the government's reward for savers who are thinking ahead.
• Did you know that your moving expenses (renting a U-Haul, gas for the trip, buying packing boxes, etc.) can be tax-deductible if your job out of college is 50+ miles away from your old address?
• The idea of paying off those student loans could give anyone an ulcer, but remember this: you can now claim up to $2,500 of interest on student loans in the form of tax deductions, even if you're parents are paying off your loan interest. Apparently, the government deems any payments from a parent toward their kids' student loan a "gift," which is great news for both parties!

Just remember, you can't garner these savings unless you 1.) file your taxes , and 2.) use the standard form 1040. 

Learn the lingo: Tax-deductible

This next ditty goes out to Sophia on this warm Thursday night, who's been reminding me lately that she'd like if it I wrote on anything tax-related, since she's never taken a hypnotic journey through tax land.

Tax-deductible:

A tax-deductible item, or tax deduction, off your income is when an expense is lopped off your adjusted gross income (also known as your total income) to reduce the amount of your income that is subject to tax. Still not making sense? Having a tax-deductible on your overall income basically allows you to shelter a part or parts of your salary from being taxed in total by the government. Sadly, it's not as easy as simply setting some money aside, with the vague hope that the government won't notice (there's a term for that, it's called tax evasion!). The IRS has a list of expenses, along with specific rules surrounding each one, that are legally considered tax-free. These expenses include (among others):

• A home mortgage.
• Apartment rent, if you make under a certain amount.
• Business expenses (including all expenses it might take to start your own business, travel and meals. Technically, these expenses can't exceed your total business income).
• Charitable contributions (if you save the receipts, this can even include all your old junk you donate to Goodwill!)
• Any expenses incurred in the removal of building barriers to the elderly and disabled.
• Union dues.
• Medical expenses that exceed a certain percent of your total income.
• Any work-related apparel. This can include uniforms, or necessary items such as safety googles, safety helmets or heavy-duty gloves or shoes.
• In some situations, moving expenses can be tax-deductible.

Finding ways to ensure that portions of your income are tax-deductible is a fabulous way to save more money that would have otherwise gone to Uncle Sam, because it lowers your total taxable income. Say you make $28,000 per year, and you pay $1,000 in rent every month. Last I checked, the cutoff point for rent being tax-deductible was if you made $30,000 or less, so you would essentially shelter $12,000 worth of rent per year from being taxed, which means more money for you in the long run!

Back that tax up

Just got my tax rebate (always late, but worth the wait), and was thrilled when I saw the number in my bank account! In total, it's about $2,800, which is a pittance compared to how much I actually gave the government, but I'm glad I at least got something back. Thanks to Love, that number was much higher than what I would've gotten if I had filed as a single instead of joint -- I guess it really does pay to take out humongous loans for higher ed!

But the $2,800 question is: How will I spend this enviable portion of moolah?

Let's start by a good teeth cleaning. Not for me, but for my poodle, Lola Belle Watkins (affectionately dubbed "Lolar Bear" by Love), who's penchant for pancakes and pasta has left a nice patina of plaque on her little fangs. Even though a margarita on the beaches of Cancun would be a nice respite from the daily drone that is my life Monday through Friday, the prescient image of Lola's teeth falling out of her head at the ripe old age of 13 just doesn't strike me as appealing. So, I figure I'll take $400 of my rebate and put it toward her dental needs, effectively ridding myself and her (at least for awhile) of the poodle breath that permeates from her tiny gullet.

That leaves me with $2,400, she says, rubbing her hands together nefariously as a sinister glint takes shape in her eyes. I have two options: Buy that $1,500 leopard Dolce and Gabbana bag I saw on clearance at Nordstroms (hey! it was on clearance) and use the remaining $1,000ish on the pinnacle of any possible purchase I could ever make in my life (ok, besides that giant mansion I want) -- a perfectly tailored Burberry trenchcoat. Fabulous purchases, indeed.

But you know what? What would I have to look forward to and save for if I buy something I've set as a distant goal to reward myself with in the future? What would I use as a pat on the back for "making it," if not with a Burberry trenchcoat? And really, how silly would I look driving my 2000 orange Hyundai Accent with my Burberry trenchcoat on, drowning my financial woes in chalupas at Taco Bell? Almost sillier than Hillary Clinton thinking she still has a shot at the Democratic nomination.

My point is that when life hands you lemons, make your goddamn lemonade (i.e., leverage that baby!). There's no such thing as free lemonade unless you make it all by yourself. If "Mama" really does "want a new Buick," the best thing said "Mama" can do is make her cash work for her. In my case, I'll leave a touch in my bank account (quite possibly to use for summer plane tickets for Lova, Lola and I to fly back to California with), and the rest I'm putting in the stock market.

Voila! No fabulous trenchcoat, but an addition to the downpayment of my future McMansion and a Southern belle of a poodle with no hint of halitosis!